I never like anything new. I guess these guys are new. They've been around in one guise or another since the early 1990s. So maybe that isn't that new. Whatever.... Seriously, I hate almost everything new. I usually hear something and think its total crap. I won't even go into my many problems with The White Stripes who everyone simply can't stop drooling over. Perhaps Meg's boobs have blinded everyone. Nevertheless, I make some effort to find new stuff that I'll like, and every so often, maybe once every couple of years my efforts are rewarded.

I discovered a new group that I like a lot. The Pernice Brothers. I purchased their newest album "Discover A Lovelier You" after reading many positive reviews. They are somewhat similar to the Wondermints - maybe more than somewhat similar. Aside from the Wondermints, which are really an amalgate of many influences themselves, I think Pernice Brothers combines pieces of early acoustic REM, some Smiths (particularly the guitar work but no rockabilly influences like Marr), Beach Boys in terms of vocal arrangements, and a little early 70s BBs in music. I think early Todd Rundgren is an influence. All in all, a sublime album. If I were you, I'd get it now. As it was, I bought it yesterday.

My musical discovery of 2003, Super Furry Animals has a new album coming out in a couple weeks. I can't wait. Relief from the daily ho-hum it seems.

More griping later.

Many people probably don't realize that I'm actually a music enthusiast, a musician, and an overall "music buff". Well, this post will disprove all of it.

There are certain albums that have been completely devastating to me. I'm talking about music that was nearly psychologically shattering. Interestingly, very few of these totally consuming albums is held in the same high esteem by the general music-loving public. I can't explain it, but let me briefly explain a little bit about a few albums that wrecked me over the years. I'm a terrible writer about music, so I'll just give a quick rundown.

Rubber Soul (The Beatles): The first Beatles album that I was completely enthralled by. And it was the US release, so it had songs from the UK "Help!" album like "I've Just Seen A Face". I was 10 years old, in 5th grade, when I borrowed the album from the library. Key Song: "I'm Looking Through You"


Tug Of War (Paul McCartney): I got this when I was 11 and listened to it everyday for weeks. I listened to the album while reading about the Kennedy assassination. Now the two are linked. I still listen to this album at least once a month. Key Song: "Somebody Who Cares"


Manassas (Stephen Stills): A double album that I first thought was a single album. I only had the second disc so I listened to sides 2 and 3 for weeks before I got sides 1 and 4. Talk about a knockout. This album defined my life during November/December 1987, 11th grade. I don't know what else was big then, but it was all about this album for me. Key Song: "It Doesn't Matter"

Wind On The Water (Crosby & Nash): I got this album a little after the Manassas album, and its impact on me was similar. These made a relentless album. It just keeps pushing and pushing all the way until the end. Key Song: "Naked In The Rain"


For The Roses (Joni Mitchell): While I already owned "Blue", and a couple others, "For The Roses" was the Joni album that consumed me the most. I found it to be immensely moving and deep. I listened to this mostly in February 1989. Key Song: "Judgement Of The Moon And Stars (Ludwig's Tune)"


Late For The Sky (Jackson Browne): All confessional/analytic singer/songwriter types should have stopped after this album was made and looked for jobs in banks. They didn't, but they should have. This album says it all. No one has written better lyrics and music about relationships. Its all subpar after this, and this came out in 1974. I got it in 1989. Key Song: "The Late Show"

Motherload (Loggins & Messina): The best album that few realize is a fucking masterpiece. I got it in December 1989 and listened to it in alternation with "Late For The Sky". "Motherload" so succinctly captured my frame of mind back then that its difficult to listen to now, almost 16 years later. Key Song: "Move On"


Doggystyle (Snoop Doggy Dogg): The first rap album to completely knock me out. I listened to this thing multiple times a day for three weeks. I had never heard anything like it. I couldn't get enough. Even though I went on to buy about nearly 200 rap albums, nothing hit me as hard as this one. Key Song: "Tha Shiznit"

Hawaii (The High Llamas): This was the first non-rap album to really hit me after 4 solid years of listening to nothing but rap. At first, I thought it was an entire album of variations of The Beach Boys' "Lets Go Away For Awhile". Eventually, I realized it was much more. At 76 minutes plus a 30 minute bonus cd, this album was like going to another world. Key Song: "Literature Is Fluff"

Painted From Memory (Elvis Costello & Burt Bacharach): A very engrossing album, and a total surprise. Elvis Costello was born to sing Bacharach. This has to be one of the most depressing albums ever. God, I wish they'd do another album. Key Song: "In The Darkest Place".


Zoom (ELO): This really came out of nowhere. I bought it on a whim and then I couldn't stop listening to it. Key Song: "Stranger On A Quiet Street".




There are certainly other albums I love as much. These are hardly all of my favorites, but these are the ones that resonated with me to such a degree that I was at least briefly unable to listen to other music. I don't know what causes something like that to happen.

No this isn't going to be about how the media only reports missing pretty white girls and never any ugly green ones

Its true that the media reports "missing" cases only when the person is a girl, and white, and pretty. But this is not my concern. Its being dealt with elsewhere. This little story has me typically frustrated for other reasons.

And here they are.

Honestly, WHY is this news? People are dying all over the world. Genocide is taking place in Darfur. American troops are dying in Iraq everyday. And many more Iraqis are dying than Americans. That shit isn't getting better. And how about the proposed Energy bill? And what else? The stagnation of wages for the middle class, rising oil prices, environmental damage, solvency of Social Security, and that crazy tax code! I'm not even advocating a position on any of those issues. But Jesus Christ, could a little attention be paid to them? Why not educate the people a little?!

Too boring? Too bad. Learn something. Read a book. Or better yet, have it force fed to you by the various media outlets in this country. Thats their job. Okay, maybe it isn't. Maybe their job is to sell soap. Still, I don't care about missing people. It isn't national news. It might be local news. That would make sense. A missing person in Aruba would be new in Aruba where the person might be found. However, it isn't news in Pittsburgh.

On another note, if we're going to wallow in this squalid story, then how come no one has dared to question why "high school graduates" have to go on a stupid trip to Aruba anyway(?) What kind of fucking insult is that to poor people? Not only do these rich assholes go on a vacation to a tropical paradise in celebration of something that is EXPECTED of them, but then when harm comes to one of them, its national news.

Listen, graduating high school is not cause for celebration. Anyone can do it. Its not significant. Besides, aren't there other things to spend money on? Like college books, or dorm costs? Fuck that! Lets go off to Aruba and party with the locals. Sure, everyone does it. Its MTV Spring Break for 124 graduates of Bum Fuck High in Alabama. Totally normal.

Oh, I get it. If one is reporting on a missing case, it has to be done with all of the sense of reverance and tragedy that goes along with it. No one questions it. Katie Couric would lose her job if she even dared. Wait, didn't she interview that runaway bride? Talk about a career in the ascendant. At least Tom Cruise is around to provide us some sanity.

One of the reasons for my infrequent postings lately is that there are so many things that make me angry. I'm going to catch up on a few right now!

Terri Shiavo: The tragedy happened when she first collapsed and all of the brain damage took place. THAT is when "Terri Shiavo" died. Its a fluke of science that we can keep people alive even if they have little or no brain activity. So fuck everyone on this issue. Fuck Rick Santorum, Tom Delay, George Bush, Jeb Bush and Bill Frist. May they all find themselves, or preferably a loved-one in a persistant vegatative state (otherwise known as Texas).

The Shindler's: A terrible thing happened to their daughter, Terri Shiavo, 15 YEARS AGO. They'll NEVER get over the loss of their daughter. But they lost her 15 YEARS AGO. Instead of dignified private grief, they have humiliated yourselves. They allowed themselves to get sucked up by people and interests who DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM. Its time for therapy.

Deep Throat: I'm not particularly happy about "Watergate". First of all, it introduced that annoying "-gate" word for any half-assed scandal. Everythingate. Beyond that, it made everyone even more cynical and distrustful of our government. And who would've thought THAT was possible after Vietnam? I could do without it. Unless someone is bold enough to expose any of Bush's lies and bullshit.

Michael Jackson: I don't care if he has molested little kittens, I still love "Off The Wall". For that one album, the man can do no wrong. True, he is barely the same guy as the one that made the aforementioned album, or "Thriller". Who care? I'm glad he's free. And for the record, I don't think he did anything more than have really terrible judgement.

Coldplay: A weak-ass crossbreed of Radiohead, U2, and Oasis. These guys blow. I don't get it. And the singer is married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Ech...

Mariah Carey: Honestly, someone is actually buying her albums. But who?! She's probably the worst "entertainer" around these days. Or at least the worst entertainer who's ass we've seen.

Blogs: Its over. Whatever was good about blogs is fucking finished. The whole "blog" phenomenon is crap. Famous people have them. Actual writers who get published in real magazines have them. Presidential candidates have them. People with various single-issue agendas have them. Lindsey Lohan has one. Can she even read? Its over. God, at least 2/3's of them have so many ads that you can't find the content. And those ads! Do they make 20 cents a year from Google's sponsored links? Yuck.

Fergie: The chick in the Black-Eyed Peas. Man, what a talentless piece of junk. She makes me want to throw up my lunch. Just awful. I think this group didn't used to be entirely worthless, but then they found this washed up hag and put her in the group. Now shake that stinkin' ass for Best Buy.

God, its been a long time. Oh god. Now that I've pulled a Neil Young and lost almost all my fans, its time to start inching back into the world.

You may ask, "where have you been?" or "why did you stop posting?". That is, if you exist. I have no answer. Or rather, I have no single concise answer. More, importantly, why would I post now? Well, it took Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise to shake me out of my stupor and comment again. More on that later.

Probably the biggest reason I wasn't posting was that I didn't enough time to do it at work anymore. And I couldn't very easily post from home either due to fatigue, housework, and baby responsibilities. However, had I really been inspired, I probably would've figure out some way to post. And I was NOT inspired.

I just started seeing so many blogs and so many people and so much crazy shit that I couldn't reasonably come up with anything I wanted to say. Oh, did I mention that I got seriously depressed during the winter? That had something to do with it too. Yeah, the depression really muddles my brain. Its so hard to write anything sensible or otherwise readable when I'm depressed.

Its kind of a shame in a way. A lot of stupid stuff happened during my hiatus. Terri Shiavo, Michael Jackson trial, more Iraq silliness, Pope death fun, etc... On the other hand, everything was so heated and stupid, that I was a little relieved to not be commenting on any of these matters. Not that anyone cares, but sometimes its just easier to not turn my jumble of opinions into "statements". Eh....

Basically, I'm back now, but it will be different. Or maybe not. I just had to resurface though to state that I think its complete bullshit that Katie Holmes is dating Tom Cruise. No wonder Dawson didn't stand a chance. Fucking Tom Cruise! Risky Business, etc... So thats what it take to win the virginal love of America's Sweetheart? You have to be, uh, the number one grossing male movie star of the past quarter century. If she had let that be known, say 8 years ago, no one would give a shit about her. Good ol' Joey, climbing in through the window. She could be (but wasn't) anyone's gal pal to unrequitedly lust over. OH, but HOW unrequited it WAS. For shame, for shame....

See you folks soon.

Best Rock Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Includes Rock, Hard Rock and Metal. Singles or Tracks only.)

Mrs. O'Leary's Cow
Brian Wilson
Track from: Brian Wilson Presents Smile
[Nonesuch Records]

What you see above represents hell freezing over. Brian Wilson won a Grammy for his Fire music. Brian Wilson first recorded "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow" (aka "Fire") on November 28, 1966 for the next Beach Boys album, to be titled Smile. The next day, Brian found out that there were several fires in Los Angeles the previous night, including a fire nearly across the street. Brian concluded that the "Fire" music was the cause.

As a reference point, on the same two days in 1966, November 28th and 29th, The Beatles were working on "Strawberry Fields Forever".

The sessions for "Fire" were elaborate. Everyone at the session, including the orchestra, was required to wear fire helmets procurred specially for the occasion (see picture above). A bucket of wood was lit on fire to get everyone in the mood. Then the music languished for nearly 40 years.

Most observers consider the "Fire" session to be the beginning of the end of "Smile"; where Brian's delusions started to take over. The sessions for "Smile" officially ended in May 1967, then it was announced that the album had been abandoned. The Beach Boys' career limped along (with much great music, but little attention) until they became a nostalgia act. Brian Wilson occasionally composed great songs, but usually wrote average songs that were merely the best songs most composers could ever hope to write. His weight went up and down and up and down again. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder, and prescribed anti-psychotic medications to fend off the voices he heard in his head.

The Beach Boys proceeded to finish a few of the "Smile" tracks over the next several years, but "Smile" was never completed. Brian Wilson totally divorced himself from the project, claiming the music to be "inappropriate" and that he burned the tapes, and refusing to discuss the topic. The "Fire" tapes were presumed to be destroyed. Bootlegs surfaced over the years with different tracks in varying stages of completion, including "Fire".

Then in 2004, Brian finished a new version of Smile. I wrote a little review of his new Smile on this here site. While many elements of what fans of the bootlegs knew as "Smile" were altered and/or enhanced for the new recording, "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow", was presented with the same arrangement as in 1966. Swirling violins, pounding timpany drums, distorted electric bass. The only addition were some harmonies. And then it won a Grammy. "Mrs. O'Leary's Cow" was recognized by the establishment. What is perhaps Brian Wilson's most alarming and disturbing composition, and certainly the most notorious of his work, has now been awarded a Grammy.

Its a surreal moment for Brian Wilson fans. That's all I can say.

I am briefly emerging from my blog vacation to post this picture of our fine Vice President honoring the memories of those who died at the Auschwitz death camp in Poland. All of the other "dignitaries" were dressed solemnly in black. But our vice president is dressed for a chilly day. A fine day for some hot cocoa. Would I have had a problem if Al Gore had done this? Of course not!

What do I know about Johnny Carson? Nothing really. So keep reading anyway.

I usually like it when a celebrity dies. However, it seems that none of the celebrities I hate ever die. As I think about it, I don't really dislike any "older" celebrities. I mean, I HATE Jennifer Aniston, Fred Durst, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Madonna, and this one guy on TV. But they never die.

Let me see, I remember watching Johnny Carson's last show. Yep. I was just 22. I probably didn't watch even 20 entire episodes of The Tonight Show, but Johnny seemed okay by me. When I was a little kid, Johnny Carson meant staying up late, and that was cool.

I have nothing more to say about it than that. Just, yeah... and I'll leave you with the lyrics to one of Brian Wilson's odder compositions:

Johnny Carson
(Written by Brian Wilson)
(Recorded by The Beach Boys, from The Beach Boys Love You, 1977)

He sits behind his microphone
John-ny Car-son
He speaks in such a manly tone
John-ny Car-son

Ed McMahon comes on and says "here's Johnny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny
"It's nice to have you on the show tonight
I've seen your act in vegas - out of sight!"

When guests are boring he fills up the slack
John-ny Car-son
The network makes him break his back
John-ny Car-son

Ed McMahon comes on and says "here's Johnny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny
Don't you think he's such a)natural guy
The way he's kept it up could make you cry

Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
Who's the man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire

One of the eternal questions in rap is which is most important: the track or the rapping? The beat or the rhyme? Don't expect the matter to be settled here. But I'm going to try.

In the Gang Starr song Mostly The Voice, from 1993's nearly perfect "Hard To Earn", Guru stated the following:


It's mostly tha voice, that gets you up
It's mostly tha voice, that makes you buck
A lot of rappers got flavor, and some got skills
But if your voice ain't dope then you need to [chill...

Some rappers use hooks to this shit
But if you took that shit out
and you took all the music out
What would remain? The voice no doubt

Ever since I heard that song, I've debated the point with myself. At first, it seemed irrelevent because all of the best rappers had the best producers. Snoop Doggy Dogg had Dr. Dre. Nas had Large Professor, Pete Rock, and DJ Premier. And seemingly, all of the best producers only worked with great rappers. Pete Rock had C.L. Smooth. Beatminerz had Black Moon. Lord Finesse had Showbiz and A.G. And of course, The RZA had the entire Wu-Tang Clan, and vice-versa.

Thus, during the rap's renaissance years of 1992-96, it was nearly impossible to determine what was most important. Raekwon's "Criminology" was a great track, and the rapping was impeccable and inventive. Jeru The Damaja's albums were fantastic (you know I'm white, right?), and so was the production courtesy of DJ Premier. And on and on....

But what about the Notorious B.I.G.? He's is hailed as one of the best rappers ever, but his tracks are good only when someone like DJ Premier, The RZA, or Easy Mo Bee produces. I don't care what anybody says. Despite his skills, his albums are virtually unlistenable due to mostly terrible mid-90s crossover-style production (thank Puff Daddy). In this case, I have to disagree with Guru. The voice was not the most important.

Statement 1: A great rapper cannot make up for a sub standard track.

However, in defense of the important role of the voice, I present one of Guru's proteges, Group Home. Their entire first album was produced by DJ Premier, and as usual, the tracks and production are first class. Rapper Lil Dap holds his own, but Melachi Tha Nutcracker cannot rap. Its terrible. I swear, its impossible to listen when he starts rapping because its such a train wreck. For example, Up Against The Wall:

Yo the world is falling
Death is calling
I don't know MC's be brawling
On the mike, when I get hyped
Whenever you want yo whatever you like
bite on my style, I like that
Yo, here is your feedback with one smack
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
No time to be playing 'cause these niggas be delaying
Word, yo when I get busy
Here and over there to New York City
One for one, one for all
I'm on the wall my back is on the wall


Which is a real shame because DJ Premier put together a bunch of really nice tracks. But the album is marred by Melachi The Nutcracker. A possible analogy might be taking spray paint to a Van Gogh. In this case, it WAS mostly the voice, that ruined the whole song.

Statement 2: A great track cannot make up for a sub-standard rapper.

So far, I've covered the extremes. Great Rapper/Bad Music and Bad Rapper/Great Music.
In my opinion, no track can redeem a terrible rapper. And no rapper can redeem a terrible track.

But what about the middle ground. What happens when the rapper is excellent, but the music is merely average? The perfect example of this is Eminem. Aside from his singles, most of his music is not nearly as good as his lyrics. Redman is another good example. When he has a great track, he's unbelievable (as is Eminem). But usually his tracks aren't as good as his raps (even though they're usually quite good). The worst example of this problem occurs with Nas. When he works with great producers like DJ Premier or Large Professor, its pure genius. However, after his first album, Nas has opted to reach for commercial success by using people like Trackmasters, or other trendy producers to make his music. Despite the greatness of Nas, the albums are generally weak.

In these cases, its usually worth listening for the lyrics alone. However, its difficult to sustain interest. Consequently, the work of such artists is unlikely to stand up with repeated listens. So, in this case, it IS mostly the voice. But not for long. For an example of mediocrity on both sides, try Eminem's protege group, D12. The music is average and the rapping is nothing special.

Statement 3: A great rapper with an average or good (but not great) track is worth listening to, but doesn't hold up.

Finally, there is the territory of excellent track with an average (but not terrible) rapper. This is a case where the rapper can rap better than anyone you know, but not as good as any great rapper (and certainly not a legendary rapper such as Rakim or Nas). Good examples of this are on Dr. Dre 2001. Most of the tracks are exemplary, but usually the rappers are not so hot. When Dre has Snoop or Eminem on his tracks, its perfect. But the host of unknowns lessen the impact of other tracks. Here, again, its worth listening to this album for the music. Repeated listens are problematic. Or better yet, get the Instrumentals version. This scenario seems to occur less often.

Statement 4 A great track with an average or good (but not great) rapper is worth listening to, but doesn't hold up.


Perfect example of excellent lyrics and excellent track. Of course, I can't illustrate the music side of things because this is a blog, and I don't feel like posting an mp3 sample. So take my word for it. Just read the lyrics and assume I'm right about the excellence of The RZA's music.

Ghostface Killah's first verse from Daytona 500:

We eat fish, tossed salads and make rap ballads
The biochemical slang lord'll throw the arrows in the dope fiend
Vocal chords switch laser beams my triple sevens
Broke the slot machines out in Queens, Grey Poupon is rebel on rap
Smack on, swing like batons, most want niggas smoked like Hilshire Farms
Check the gun we sew, underneath my shoe lies the tap
That attract bow-legged bitches with wide horse gaps
In steel mills iron he'll smoke the blow on Duns
You run heroins, Primatine mist is afraid of my lungs
Turn my channel, it'll blow your whole bench off the panel
Like 80 roman candles that backfired then slammed you
Every day is like a video shoot, check this shit
I take you back to Playboy, stash guns and whips
Picture afro, big shish-ka-bobs and daishikis
1000 civil marched blazed their fists in early sixties


Uh, so what did I prove with all of this? That its both the voice and the track? Perhaps thats all there is to it. Both. Ugh...

Sometimes things get a little quiet here. And this is one of those times. I only have a staff of one. And when shit gets out of hand, the posting creativity goes out the window. I have ideas though. Important ideas...


Did anyone see Mean Girls? I saw it last night, and I thought it was crap. This movie was referred to in reviews as a modern day Heathers. That couldn't be further from the case. Okay, yes it could be. It could be, oh, say "Ghost". But as far as socially-conscious teen movies go, this was no Heathers. I know Heathers, and you are no blah blah blah.

Seriously, this movie had no hook. It had no soul. I had no reason to like or dislike the "plastics". And I certainly had no reason to like "Lindsey Lohan". Her gynormous boobs were just fine. I'm doubtful of their veracity, but they looked nice.

Sure, there were a few good lines. Amy Poehler and Tim Meadows were great. Tina Fey had a bunch of good lines. She should, since she wrote it. Beyond that though, the movie just seemed too inauthentic to mean anything to me.

"Heathers" really spoke to the disaffected, of which I count myself as one (possibly two because I was filled with TONS of hate!). The characters seemed believable. The killing was great ("I love my dead gay son"). And the whole thing had a huge revenge plot. Thrills!

I'm sure there have been other movies along that line, and I'm sure I loved them too. I just can't remember them now. I keep thinking of Welcome To The Dolls House and River's Edge, but those movies were different.

As you can see, I have chosen to post another funny animated gif. You have to admit, these Japanese chicks cracking up and laughing at you is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I could stare at this all day. They never stop!