When people are enjoying themselves, it is my duty as a patriotic American to be dismal and nasty.

I live in Pittsburgh. Perhaps some of you readers know that already. Long time readers may even "remember" a post I made last year called Pittsburgh, Where I Live. Usually, my posts have nothing to do with Pittsburgh. Hopefully, there is nothing in my posts to indicating that I'm even from Pittsburgh. I suppose saying so will have to not count. But because of some recent football events, I must comment on some Pittsburgh-related topics.

Yes, football. It is what average Pittsburghers, and their ever increasing suburban-folk have come to life for. I will admit that when the Steelers were a great team in the 70s and went to the Super Bowl four times, there was no bigger fan than yours truly. Now lets get something straight, though. I was nine years old the last time the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Heck, sometimes even seeing those old players, and the Steelers logo brings me a pleasant nostalgic feeling.

My objection here is to basically everyone who is not nine years old. This city has gone mad I tell you. Everyone is running around in black and gold (a very unflattering color combination, mind you). The major newspaper ran a story on the front page about which Steelers were the "hottest". This is big news in Pittsburgh. I hope nothing else happened that day. Everywhere you go there are stickers and signs. One unfortunate fellow decided to combine his patriotism with his enthusiasm for the Steelers in a wonderful horrible flag.

I have to assume that most other cities would be the same. I have to "assume" this because the alternative is too terrible. Hundreds of thousands of people, in my city, with their hopes and dreams absorbed in the ups and downs of a professional football team is truly frightening to me. After the victory on Sunday, hundreds (or thousands) of them poured out on to the city streets in a celebratory fervor. It looked like Nazi Germany to me.

So what do I want then? What would I have these fine folk do? What should "shake your black and gold ass girl" do instead? What should "Steelers and American flag guy" do? What on EARTH should all of these people do.

God, maybe read a book? How about learning the names of a couple US Supreme Court judges? Or the name of your congressman? Or how about debating which Pennsylvania State House Congressmen are the hottest? Seriously, this maddening behavior is acceptable ONLY in nine year old children. Anyone older than that should know better. People in their 20s and 30s should be locked up for these antics.

Yes, I wish to spoil everyone's fun. I am truly a sour creature.