Sometime I look at that little baby and he seems so innocent and happy. It just makes me wonder. When he isn't in pain for one reason or another, he's basically happy and inquisitive. So that makes me think that in lieu of distress, one's natural state should be some sort of joy-like curiousity.

So then why all the fuss?

How did it all get so bad?

I know a few people that I'd deem as "happy". This means that they are relatively untroubled by pychological distress. Most of the people I've known well, are what I'd call "miserable", which basically means they are defeated in their personal goals, fatalistic, and in more than a little psychological pain.

I guess its not much use to compare a baby to an adult on a psychological level. It just strikes me that since babies seem to be "happy" when they don't have physical problems or real needs that have to be met, that the encroachment of unhappiness as one ages must be learned to some degree. And I'm not convinced that its necessary. I just don't think we have the tools to keep us in the state that babies and young children have innately.

As we age, we have to deal with disappointment, defeat, rejection, knowledge of our limitations, the prospect of 50 years of work, an insecure old age, followed by.. guess what... death! And thus, we gradually become embittered. That makes sense. But does it have to be this way? I don't think so, but the skills to fend off the encroachment of bitterness are not part of our makeup. Further, I don't think our culture encourages anything but misery because of religions and consumerism (big statement - no backup for now).

No, my little home on the web will not become a parenting resource.

I've been very concerned over the past year that I don't "have my shit together". Why? Well of course, ever since I knew I was going to be a father, and then since I actually became a father, I've been under the delusion that I should have my "shit" together.

Well, a year has come and gone. And... I don't have my "shit" together. At least not as much as I'd like to. And thus, I am now forced to deal with the fact that I'll be raising a child, when I'm still trying to raise myself. Or... I can RATIONALIZE.

Yes, it never occurred to me that my own parents had problems, or as I've been putting it, didn't have their shit together. It didn't occur to me, for years really, that my parents existed for any other reason than to live to support (aka serve) me. Even as I became a troubled teenager, it didn't cross my mind that perhaps my parents were ever troubled, or were currently troubled.

And... THIS IS A GOOD THING!

I've decided that if a child can be in complete denial that his/her parents are nothing more than "parents", then the parents are doing something right. Kids don't want to be insecure. They don't want to know about their parent's various psychological difficulties, or even that psychological difficulties exist. They may pick up on certain things, such as Dad's mood after work, or Mom's mood when she wakes up, but unless you're seriously fucking up, the kid shouldn't have any idea what unresolved torment lies beneath the God-like parent. None of which is to suggest that what the kids DO pick up isn't significant. But Jesus, we're humans raising baby humans. So there is going to be some sloppiness.

I'm pretty sure that as long as you try to do the best you can, and unless you are beating the kid, or fucking strangers for money, your children will basically think you're sane. Meaning, they won't question it. So, that is what I've decided. That is what I've decided as I look at pictures of my three-month-old son's smiling and pensive faces.

Well, what can I do? He was born the son of a relatively eccentric individual. It could be worse.

By the way, here are some new baby pics. I really have to get working on that site.

For a variety of reasons I was lead to reading The Redneck Manifesto by Jim Goad.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't give a shit. And I'm still not sure that I do now. But this guy made a lot of good points. One thing that I always suspected about "liberals" or "democrats" (both of which I could be labeled I suppose) is that while they support poor people's rights and programs, they really don't like poor people. I guess I realized this about myself first. I'm the first in line to give my tax dollars to poor people for welfare and work programs and training and medical care, and so on. Yet, would I want "those people" in my house? Hell no!

And why would I? Do I have anything in common with the underclass? Do we value the same things? Do we have the same goals? Do we have the same types of intelligence? Do I have ANYTHING in common with poor people, either urban or rural? To answer my own rhetorical question, only if it was a coincidence. Otherwise, no.

To take it further, the more I thought about it, I really dislike poor white people (as opposed to poor black people, for whom I have much more respect). And I don't mean, lower middle class white people, or poor just out of college white people. I actually have disdain for people who are institutionally poor, the people frequently called "rednecks" or "white trash". And a fair bit of the reason why I support programs for them is because I want to change them. I don't want them to be Nascar, WWF, huntin', and crank snorting fools. To be honest, I don't care so much about the crank. What I really dislike is the symbols of working class leisure, such as old Dodges with DVD players and stickers, trailers with add-ons, and trucks with fire flame stickers near the wheels. And neon lights. And I can't stand the guns and shooting and hunting and... where do I stop? And what about the emotional dysfunction that leads to teen pregnancy, drug abuse, alcoholism, etc...? Yes, I support sending my tax dollars to clean these people up and make them something closer what I consider civilized. But as they are? Forget it.

So, of course, I realize I'm a total hypocrit. The Redneck Manifesto brings this out quite clearly. The author, Jim Goad, seemed to do his homework too. He traces the origins of "redneckism" to Europe in the 16th century. He ties it to indentured servitude, underemployment, and then further displacement when 20th century immigrants took their jobs and industrialists stole the natural resources of their land. So, what is left? Basically, very poor groups of people, who have been that way for generations, and only have the "opportunity" to perform back-breaking labor for low wages. The flipside of this horror is the dysfunction, over-exaggerated "hobbies", and anger. I question some of his conclusions, and I'm not sure about the trajectory of "white trash" from Europe to Murphreesboro, Tennessee.

Well, thats HIS theory about it anyway.

Then I think about some of the interests of the "redneck". Lets take cars. Almost everyone likes cars to some degree. Most men like them more than a little. However, more affluent white boys outgrow the urge to smash cars, customize cars with stickers, race, and have hot rods when they are roughly 10-12 years old. Rednecks? Lifelong hobbies. Why? Goad's book doesn't explain this. What do rich and middle class boys have in common with the adult male underclass?

So I've read the book, and I realize that I AM, in fact, a hypocrit. I'm completely willing to accept poor black people with an open mind, and view black culture, including black ghetto culture with respect. BUT... poor white culture? Forget it. They MUST change. They aren't okay.

If you think I'm even a LITTLE close to having this sorted out for myself, then you and I both need to have our heads checked.

As if that was possible...

I think I've made a decision. And that decision is to not write about the election. Seriously, I can't do it. Its become so absurd, that there is simply no way I can write about every piece of garbage that comes out of the campaigns. I mean, I could. I really could. But I just can't!

I find all of the circumstances surrounding this presidential election to be so dispiriting that I simply cannot wallow in the horror of it all. For instance:

• Iraq is a huge mess
• Bush doesn't know what he's doing
• The Bush administration is run by religious ideologues
• The war in a Iraq was based on bullshit
• People trust Bush over Kerry with the Iraq mess
• Bush ignored terrorism prior to 9/11
• No Osama Bin Laden
• Troops pulled out of Afghanistan where there were actual terrorists
• There is more terrorism in the world now, than before 9/11
• People trust Bush over Kerry with terrorism
• Drunk drivers are a much larger threat to life than Islamic terrorists.
• The means of voting, and vote counting is still bullshit. Even in Florida.

So, what am I going to add to that? I mean, aside from more bullet points? And why would I add anything? Its all nonsense. How can a world like this be reasoned with? I'm starting to try to figure out a way to reconcile myself with another four years of Bush, with a Republican House and Senate.

However, as each day passes, I'm finding that I'm simply not "proud to be an American". I'm ashamed. Maybe if I could live in the "blue state" America, it would be okay. But I don't want any part of this horrible "red state" George Bush America. I start to think of other countries. Are other countries better? I mean, aside from Iraq, which I hear is about to become a wonderful, flourishing democracy.

All of this begs the question, for me, what the hell am I going to write about now?

Back in the day, the halcyon days of lets say, April, I was getting hits left and right. I had readers, comments (sometimes), angry readers, and people linking to my site. Now? Well, now I don't have shit! I lost it all.

Okay, okay... I've been busy. And I've been distracted. And when it comes to writing witty (and occasionally not so witty) blog posts, the drive just hasn't been there. On the other hand, sometimes I have so much to say, and so much on which to comment, that I just can't get my thoughts together. Or... my thoughts about some topic have been covered by numerous others in any number of ways.

So what have I missed? More to the point, what have YOU missed?

The Democratic and Republican Conventions: I had nothing worthwhile to offer here

The Swiftboat Veterans Attack on John Kerry: What could say about this?

Cheney says there will be attacks if Kerry wins: Nothing much to add here.

Britney Spears gets married again: I have nothing.

Ton's O' Beheading in Iraq: I've been complaining about this for years.

Well, we're all losers in this. Would John Kerry be ahead in the polls if I had posting all along, adding my unquestioning support??? Would the Iraqi people be free? I simply can't ponder these terrible terrible possibilities.

Here is a good link: Media Matters

This just in: Former Grand Funk Railroad singer and guitarist, and current right-wing patriot, Mark Farner, has been detained from performing his special brand of over-baked rock music in cities across the country. Farner was detained at the Butler County Rib Cook Off, along with his band. During the detention, Farner claimed he was subjected to torture when the FBI cut his hair.

http://www.markfarner.com/