I just read Clear Channel's Responsible Broadcasting Initiative. Quite frankly, I am utterly shocked by what I read...

"Clear Channel today announced a strong new "Responsible Broadcasting Iniative" to make sure material aired by its radio stations conforms to the standards and sensibilities of the local communities they serve."

This is the most disgusting thing I've read in a long time. Obviously, if they own the radio stations, they can what they please with them. However, I'd seriously like to know how they determined what the "standard and sensibilities of the local communities" were. I don't remember any polling taking place.

"Clear channel is serious about helping address the rising tide of indecency on the airwaves," said Mark Mays, President and COO of Clear Channel Communications."

Wait?! There is a "rising tide" just NOW? Why now? What makes this point in time any different than the past 20 years? Jesus, what makes the Howard Stern show any different now than in the past 20 years?! And how is it that the hate and bias put forth by Rush Limbaugh or Matt Drudge (also broadcast on many Clear Channel stations) aren't indecent? I find their lies and bias quite indecent given that they present themselves as news sources, when in reality, they are entertainment, and even propaganda. Howard Stern just makes people laugh, and discusses politics in an obviously irreverent manner. (I do, however, give some credit to Limbaugh for mildly defending Stern).

You'll notice, that I posted a picture of Mark Mays, another fine example of the human race. A fine specimen, indeed. That picture was the only one I could find.

"If the FCC accuses us of wrongdoing by issuing a proposed fine, we will take immediate action", May said. "We will suspend the DJ in question, and perform a swift investigation. If we or the government ultimately determine the offending broadcast is indecent, the DJ will be terminated without delay," Mays said.

This is the scariest shit I've read yet. Clear Channel is virtually admitting how dependent they are on the government when they say something with this much ass-kissing. Its unbelievable. "If the FCC accuses us"? What? Members of the FCC are appointed, and the regulations they come up with are subject to their own person biases. Further, the enforcement of those regulations is totally arbitrary and up to their discretion. Yet Clear Channel is doing everything possible to grease themselves up and take it from behind. Why would Clear Channel do this? Because they fear that the FCC would really start to regulate them unless they took some type of public action (banning Stern) and kissed the FCC's ass in public.

I hereby issue a ban of Clear Channel. Oh, I'm sorry. Thats impossible because they own EVERYTHING! And thats a GOOD thing.

I'm seriously PISSED OFF today! I turned on the radio this morning only to hear the normal bullshit music played by WXDX during the day. What the fuck?! I turned it off thinking that a band was in the studio. Then I tried again a little later, and there was more crappy music. Okay something is wrong. I go to Yahoo, and find this: Clear Channel Suspends Stern's Radio Show

Jesus Fucking Christ! Yes! I would like to unleash the most unholy torrent of obscenity and filth in response to the total fucking embarassment that is Clear Channel. It turns out that Clear Channel own only six stations that carry Stern. WXDX is one of them, so I'm fucked.

Here is what "John Hogan", the "CEO" of Clear Channel radio had to say:

"It was vulgar, offensive, and insulting, not just to women and African Americans but to anyone with a sense of common decency. We will not air Howard Stern on Clear Channel stations until we are assured that his show will conform to acceptable standards of responsible broadcasting".

Just for fun, I have included a picture of this fine, honorable, decent man.... the pinnacle of human achievement.

Total bullshit. How can such sentiments be reasoned with? Common decency? What the fuck is that?! "Responsible broadcasting"?! So Howard Stern is unacceptable, but all of the hundreds of commercials "the kids" see every goddamn day, pitching toys and food and sex and beer and condoms and crappy movies. That's perfectly fine. Howard Stern, which is on from 6-10 in the morning (when most kids, uh, should be in school) is a problem.

Its horrifying what is happening. Pat Robertson would be rolling over in his grave in joy if he was dead. I thought that religious conservatives had no power. Damn!

I was going to weigh in on Jay Leno stealing Stuttering John from the Howard Stern Show, or the President's statement on gay marriage, but I simply refuse to get into another pissing match. So instead I decided to discuss another thing I really hate - religion.

No, I'm just kidding this time....

Here are some random comments on a variety of topics. A potpourri, if you will.

Justin Timberlake: His music isn't very good.

Sex In The City finale: I don't give a shit. Those girls were mean.

Scott Peterson: He killed his wife. Too bad he isn't friends with Justice Scalia.

The Passion Of Christ: Something else I don't care about. Mel Gibson is crazy. "Braveheart" was good though.

Smile: Brian Wilson performed Smile live. Should the world have stood still, or hell have frozen over?

Christina Aguilera: Appearance on Saturday Night Live will not change my opinion that she's a huge skank. Just cause it worked for Richard Nixon, doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

Survivor All-Stars isn't everything I hoped for. Damn...

I propose a Constitutional Amendment banning premarital sex, divorce, swearing, and medicine.

If you want to get out of jury duty just tell them you moved. They won't check. I DID just move, but so what?

The pretzels they sell at the mall are delicious.

Whenever you pick your nose, you pick a winner.

Who would've predicted that one Snoop Dogg would be lame. Oh yeah, it was me, back in 1995.

Why is Alanis Morrissette still famous?


A proper post will be forthcoming. If I was getting paid for this, I'd be in real trouble. Somebody please pay me to copy messages from my ex-gf's blog and then make fun of them. Oh please.

// posted by Ant In A Hailstorm @ 2/25/2004 01:16:00 PM

I don't usually put jokes or forwarded email and the like on this site, but I thought this was funny, so here it is...

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

The response to my post about Santorum has been devastating. I leave for a few days, and the whole place turns to shit; name-calling, slander, hate-speech.... on MY blog? Who would've thought?!

I was gone for a few days moving my buffoon ass into another house. Thus, my computer has been down, and I haven't been to work, and my important web journal/blog has been left to gather dust. Or, HAS it...? Here are some recent fun comments made by some readers during my absence:

"You are a complete buffoon."

"You probably think the second amendment is for hunters, or state sponsored militias too."

"Seriously, how many years did you have to ride to school in the short blue bus?"

"If you lack the mental capacity to differentiate between fact and opinion and readers digest is the definitive word on any issue for you I bet you are still riding the short bus."

Its refreshing to know that the world continues to spin, even though I'm not here to see it. Oh, by the way, did I mention that the media is run by Conservatives, Hollywood is run by Republicans, and that President Bush killed all of the whores he screwed during his coke days?

Bring it on folks!

// posted by Ant In A Hailstorm @ 2/23/2004 02:46:00 PM

I just read an article on Yahoo, Bush 'Troubled' by Gay Marriage Issue.

Obviously this guy is a total mental weakling. The guy is such a simpleton that it isn't even worth debating. Yet, I really don't think that President Bush probably cares one way or the other about gay marriage. However, that doesn't matter because his core constituency, evangelicals, care a lot. Thus, Bush says he is "troubled". These people overwhelmingly support Bush. And their agenda is to make America a truly Christian state, in the same way that Afghanistant was a Muslim state under the Taliban. Bush is truly one of them, a born-again Christian, with a Christian AGENDA for public policy in the United States.

The Christian "far-right" has been a part of this country all along, but has only become a potent political force in the past 20 or so years. I'm sure there are socialogical reasons (such as an aging population, the rapid pace of change and progress in technology, a more mobile society, and an increasingly extreme and ubiquitous media presence) that have a lot to do with it. And of course, 9/11 has seemed to consolidate the thinking of religious people even more. As opposed to doubting whether God was "good", and if so, what could that possibly mean (let alone whether a God exists), it seemed to make the religious even more religious.

My point is that I think these are scary times. It could get better or worse. If Bush wins re-election, things will most certainly get worse for those of us living in the rational and secular part of the middle class. However, if John Kerry wins, things will probably get only a little better. Bush is truly as close to evil as we agnostics have. However, just that one person is not the problem. He merely represents a movement that is gaining strength in the federal offices, as well as state and local offices. Hell, even John Kerry won't come out and support gay marriage. He can't. Why? Because thats how powerful the religious right has become.

Every guy out there feels the same. We love them and we hate them. We can't live with them and we can't live without them. What am I talking about? Balls! Thats right! The scrotum, testicles, nads, ballsack, deeez nuuts, testes, family jewels, etc...

I had to get a physical last week, and it was awful! Among a battery of other horrible tests, the doctor checked me for a hernia, and then she did a quick testicular cancer check! God that sucked! It felt all weird and made me nauseous. I'm squirming in my seat just thinking about it.

Why else do I hate balls?

The get in the way.

The get out of place.

They itch sometimes.

Sometimes they itch alot!

They can get cancer!

They feel weird.

If you get kicked, punched, or injured there, it hurts like hell.

They are gross looking.

Did I mention that they get itchy?

They are oh, so vulnerable!

So I would like to suggest to the scientists of the world, that something be done about Balls. They need to be made safer, more attractive, less itchy, and less accident prone.


Years ago, I used to laugh my ass off at Eazy-E whispering, "Now lick my balls" on NWA's 100 Miles And Runnin album. The absurdity, the craziness of hearing that on a cd!

Most likely, I hate you.

Its sad, but true. I'm quite the misanthrope. I can't say I'm proud of this sorry fact. Ever since I was very young I didn't like most people. Unfortunately, as I've grew older, the same thing held true.

When I was in elementary school, I didn't like most of my peers. I found them too unruly and stupid. Then when I got into middle school, I thought almost everyone was extremely superficial and boring. In high school, I continued to find most people to be superficial and boring. In college, I thought almost everyone was stupid. I survived these years by making a few like-minded friends, and not venturing beyond them.

Since college, I have usually been unable to cocoon myself with like-minded people. Consequently, I was around even more people I hated. I have found that I dislike almost everyone's religion, politics, taste in music, and taste in entertainment. What a bleak world it truly is.

Does this mean there is nothing good about you? Probably not. In fact, since I'm such a fool, its quite likely that the more things I dislike about you, the better off you are. Hell, even if I was trying to be objective, I'd probably find a few good things here and there. I'd have to look really hard, but still...

Anyway, since I have found that I seem to like very few people, I have been forced to consider that blog-world may not be much different. Therefore, it is quite likely that I hate you.

There is always the possibility that writers of blogs (especially anyone over the age of 16 or so) are generally more hateful and socially backward than most people. This seems to be the case. Thus, I may not hate you. I MIGHT like you.

Check this out. This guy has my number! But hell, I've never proclaimed to be important. And I have frequently mentioned that I know this is all crazy and probably no one cares. Anyway, take a look at Why I Hate Weblogs.

This is a particularly frustrating topic for me. However, now that I have another new story to work in, I am going to discuss this matter once again.

A long time ago, I wrote about Tyranny. The main point of that old post was that men live in a world of shit from the age of roughly twelve until they die, constantly longing for girls, looking at their asses and breasts, and thinking about having sex with them. Essentially, no matter what else may happen (aside from side-effects due to psychiatric medication...eh?), no matter what circumstances men may find themselves in: family, children, rich, poor, famous, a life of obscurity, etc... they will always live in a hell of sexual frustration.

This previous Saturday, as I mentioned last week in my post My Date With Destiny, I went to a carshow and met R. Lee Ermey (aka "Sgt. Hartman" from Full Metal Jacket).

Again, the reason for going to the carshow is an offline story that I won't get into here. Suffice it to say, I didn't specifically go to see Sgt. Hartman. However, since there was going to be time to kill, I figured it would be funny to meet him and get him to autograph my copy of "Full Metal Jacket".

I thought we'd just walk right up to him. Well, damnit, it turned out that there was a HUGE line for him. A lot of people were there JUST to meet him!

We got in line not realizing how long the line would last. A few minutes later a young girl and her boyfriend (I think) got behind us. At first, I figured her boyfriend must have dragged her along to this thing. But then I realized that it was SHE who really wanted to meet R. Lee Ermey.

Before I go any further, I must mention that she had ENORMOUS breasts, and they were quite prominently on display. I couldn't help taking multiple peeks and long glances. The view from the side almost went to her nipple. It was out of control.

So we all stood in line for nearly four hours, the second longest line of my life. I spoke with this girl a few times during the wait. She was genuinely excited. At one point Ermey took a break, and I said, "He's probably in the bathroom making out with girls". Her boyfriend/husband laughed. Busty girl said, "I'd make out with him!".

Finally my turn came, and he signed my DVD, and that was that. I was about to walk off, but then I remembered the big-breasted girl behind me. I had to see if Sgt. Hartman took a peek. I just had to know. He seems like such a no BS kind of guy that I couldn't imagine him being so low as to HAVE to look at her ample busom. Well, I was wrong. I stood off to the side and watched her approach Sgt. Hartman. Within five seconds he looked down her blouse. Then he did it again at least four more times. They were quick glances, but glances nonetheless.

And now the tyranny... See, even R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket's "Sgt. Hartman", age 60, HAD to look at that young girl's cleavage. It never ends goddamnit! No matter how old you are, no matter how famous you are, you still have to LOOK. God, can this be real? Even Sgt. Hartman had to peek! This is a perfect example of why it sucks to be a man. Women may be generally oppressed, have to deal with childbirth, menstruation, and any number of other horrors. But men have to deal with a lifetime of sexual anguish and frustration. I don't know what is worse.

I'm introducing a new series of topics today. Its "Things I Hate". The first entry is "Dreaming".

Yes, I am now going to take a stand against... Dreams! Yes, the very same dreams that plague us every night. I really think that the tyranny should end. So I'm announcing it here first, "I Hate Dreaming".

Let's face it, most of the time, our dreams are completely worthless. We either dream about nonsense, or we dream about our actual day-to-day lives, or something that happened in the past, or something we hope might happen in the future. And then of course, we also have nightmares.

Frequently our dreams are about generally unpleasant shit, but are not absolutely horrifying. These dreams include such topics as making out with the girl you liked in high school, or eventually marrying the girl you liked in high school, or having sex with the girl you liked in high school, etc...

As far as I'm concerned dreams tell us nothing. They don't helps us live our lives and they don't help us understand our pasts. Anyone who tells you otherwise is using selective memory and dubious interpretation.

However... by far, the worst, I mean THE WORST thing about dream is that people feel they have to TELL you about them. Oh my god, please kill me now. I swear that the minutes spent listening to someone's dream are the LONGEST minutes you'll ever spend. And it always starts with "I had this really weird dream last night." Really? It was "weird". Wow. I never heard of that before. A "weird" dream? Hmm... tell me about all the normal ones then.

What a human tragedy.... my ex-girlfriend's life is just getting worse and worse. And I can't stop myself from watching the train wreck.

In our last installment of this topic, she was drowning in self-hate and crazy magical religion. It was fun and funny to watch her become totally crazy. Well, now she is topping herself. First, read the post, then I'll comment. It won't seem like much, but after you read my commentary you'll see why this is the craziest thing she has written so far.

Whilst in SF I had posted, then erased, that I had a strange realization that somewhere inside myself I was walking around for 24 or 48 hours thinking, "If I were to have a second child, I'd definately want it to be with Liberace (ed. name changed to protect the innocent)." I was thinking, upon reflection and in my posting attempt, that this strange thought means I'm fond of Liberace and approving of his fatherly abilities. I took the chance today and shared this with him, to which he replied knowingly, 'O, this is how it all starts. How old is Nigel (ed. child's name changed)? Three...Ah, yes.' Good lord - could my body sabotage me like this twice?!!

On the surface you may think, "Hmm, getting back together with the father of her baby. What's wrong with that?". Well, let me spell it out for you. Several days prior to her "strange realization" she wrote about her "abject worthlessness". I'm sure she has been dwelling on this topic for quite some time. In other words, she is in a time of crisis. If my theory is correct, her sense of worthlessness has dominated nearly every aspect of her life for years. Typically, the way one attempts to resolve worthlessness is through relationships that virtually replicate the emotional patterns in our earliest relationships (typically with our parents). Strange.... but true. However, rarely can the worthlessness be resolved in this manner. The theory is that "if only I can get this person to accept me, then I'll be okay". One of two things will usually happen. Either the person will be accepting, which will result in a loss of interest for the worthless person (the emotional power is lost at that point), or they will continue to try to be acceptable to the person and never succeed, thus perpetuating the pattern. Bottom line: people with a sense of wrongness and worthlessness don't really want to change.

Of course, I don't mean to mimimize the issue. Changing one's sense of themselves as inherently wrong and flawed in no easy task. Not only do ordinary people not know how to change, but there isn't a lot of professional guidance on the topic either. Long-held core beliefs of this nature are extremely resistant to change. There are theories about change, but they are only theories, and not backed with much evidence.

Here is the background. She and the baby's daddy got pregnant after dating for a short time (no, it doesn't sound familiar you smart asses!) and then lived together for around three years. The daddy got increasingly distant, and then avoidant, and ultimately pulled away both physically and emotionally. They did, however, continue to live together for another two years while carrying on the ruse that they were in a relationship. Of course, he refused to marry her. He stayed because of the baby. Finally, he was kicked out by my ex. He left with no fuss whatsoever.

As I see it, she was with him for that long partially because of the baby, but also because he was emotionally cold to her. In other words, he was rejecting. Thus, she lived within the dynamic of constantly trying to be good enough, but never quite succeeding. Finally, she got fed up, and kicked him out. Thats actually a positive thing. It meant that she wasn't filled with so much self-hate that she would live in a loveless situation forever.

However, now that she's in a state of crisis, her thinking has returned to this relationship... a relationship with someone that did not accept her. Its easy to see why this happened. The shock and pain of her self-hatred was too much for even copious amounts amount of weed to fix. So she started looking for an easy fix (subconsiously, mind you). And trying to resume a relationship with her ex is an easy decision to rationalize. She still likes him (sort of), and he IS the baby's father. Of course, getting back together with someone who rejected her for over two years would BE an easy fix, IF he accepts her THIS TIME (which is highly unlikely), and if she accepts that he accepts her (again, highly unlikely). Ultimately, the end result is likely to be the same. Either he will resume his rejection of her (while in the relationship) or he will accept her, and she will lose interest.

Thats why this is so funny to me. Even one of her friends commented on her site that she was doomed. Ha....

Here is how I would rephrase her comment:
I am scared and alone. I am filled with self-loathing. I have no idea how to change. I don't even know if I want to. I have chosen to attempt to resume a relationship that has failed many times in the past. However, due to my instense self-hate, I am going to try anyway, because if the relationship works, then it will mean that I am okay.

I can't really go too much into the details here, but for reasons I would've found incredulous just a mere one year ago, I'm going to the 43rd Annual Carquest World Of Wheels this weekend. Ordinarily, this wouldn't merit a mention on the site. However, I'm getting an unexpected crazy little surprise.

It turns out that the star of one of the funniest and most insane pieces of filmaking is going to be appearing at the Carquest. Was I born ugly or did I have to work at it? I don't know. What I do know is that R. Lee Ermey is going to be there! That's right! R. Lee Ermey, also known as Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket is going to be at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in Pittsburgh.

So, I'm going to go to the Carquest with my DVD copy of "Full Metal Jacket" and I'm going to get Sgt. Hartman's autograph. I just hope I'm able to unfuck myself so he doesn't unscrew my head and shit down my neck.

Is everyone crazy? Are your neighbors and all of your friends and family crazy? Are you crazy? These important questions pondered....

I was thinking about a post over on American Diatribe about how everyone has something "wrong" with them or is "off their rocker". And I decided that I had some opinions on the topic.

Before I continue, allow me to put a few things on the table. I have been diagnosed with Major Depression, Chronic Depression (Dysthymia), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have also had panic attacks at various times throughout my life, but not enough to be diagnosed as having Panic Disorder. Up until last spring, I had probably less than seven or eight panic attacks. Then I had eleven in three days. Oops.

I thought that I should include this preface on my own relationship with the crazy arts, because undoubtedly, I am biased on the topic.

Next, lets review some quick numbers from the National Institute of Mental Health.

22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older (about 1 in 5 adults, or 44.3 million people) suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.

Depression: 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population

Bipolar: 2.3 million American adults, or about 1.2 percent of the U.S. population

Schizophrenia: 2.2 million American adults, or about 1.1 percent of the population

Generalized Anxiety: 4.0 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or about 2.8 percent

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: 3.3 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or about 2.3 percent

Panic Disorder: 2.4 million American adults ages 18 to 54, or about 1.7 percent of people

In 2000, 29,350 people died by suicide in the U.S

So is Disillusioned correct when she made her observation? At first, I thought she was falling into the ol' "everyone is fucked up" position, which I generally don't find to have a lot of merit simply because what seems "fucked up" to one person is quite sensible to another, and we never really know what is actually going on with our friends and family when then act the way they do. In addition, many times we label behavior we deem as unfair, hurtful, or confusing to us, as "irrational" or "crazy".

I also question the sample that is used when people say that "everyone is crazy". It seems that usually its only "crazy" people who say that. On an anecdotal level, I think its true too. However, over the years, I have been surrounded by dysfunctional people, largely by choice. Not only am I drawn to them, but they are drawn to me. My friends ranged from eccentric to severely mentally ill, but rarely "normal". However, I HAVE met "normal" people, and I'm not usually too interested in them. So when I think things like "everyone is fucked up", its hardly based on a representative sample of humanity.

But when I look at those numbers, I start to reconsider my thinking. I mean, 1 in 5 people have diagnosable mental illnesses?! And what does that say about people who simply don't meet enough of the criteria to get the diagnosis? There must be millions of people who are almost diagnosable.

So here is what I've determined:

As stated, 1 in 5 Americans are in fact mentally ill.

Also as stated, 1.2% of American have Bipolar Disorder, and 1.1% have Schizophrenia. This is what most people are referring to when they say "crazy" (or "bonkers", "off their rocker", "mad", etc...)

Most of the time, when we call people "crazy", who are not diagnosable, we simply don't understand them.

However, very frequently (1 in 5), they are in fact, diagnosable with SOMETHING.

Normal people have quirks that could lead to mental illness (depending on their vulnerabilities and life situations), but usually do not. This doesn't stop these people from being frequently quite aggravating.

Everyone over 19 years old that has a blog is mentally ill (and probably fat).

In conclusion, depending on who you are, it may very well seem like everyone is crazy. And, the more crazy you are, the more crazy everyone else SEEMS. But most likely, 1 in 5 people ARE in fact, mentally ill, and everyone else is just annoying.

// posted by Ant In A Hailstorm @ 2/04/2004 02:28:00 PM

Well, its finally happened. Today, the Massachusetts Supreme Court has approved equal marriage rights for gays. This deviant, hedonistic, liberal country we live in is on the way to legalizing gay marriage, and plunging into a world of shit.

Society as we know it is coming to an end as more and more of our traditional values and Christian principles are being destroyed by God-hating liberals and fags. Marriage was created by the Pope for all good heterosexuals. And EVERYONE knows that God Hates Fags. Read this:

"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them...And ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you: for they committed all these things, and therefore I abhorred them." Leviticus 20:13,23

See? There it is in plain "Old" English. On the mountain of human depravity, it is quite clear that Homosexuality is at the very bottom, as close to HELL as possible. These fags are defiant, unrepentant perverts and they should have no rights because God hates them. If you support the deviant homosexual movement you should be ashamed of yourself.

Make sure your congressmen and senators know that YOU hate fags and will not tolerate the obliteration of our traditional values by liberal fag judges!

And I'm not referring to El Debarge.

I really cannot get over the insanity surrounding this "boob" incident. During the Super Bowl halftime presentation, Justin Timberlake reaches across Janet Jackson, and rips her shirt, revealing her boob. Her boob! A filthy, dirty, filthy breast! Unbelievably, the FFC is investigating this. I, like George Bush, was not watching. However, unlike George Bush, I was not resting so I could continue to piss on the world the next day. No, I am simply far too much of an elitist to watch the Super Bowl, or its festive half-time antics.

First, lets set a few things straight...
1. Janet Jackson's boob was not a) appealing, b) sexual, c) hot, or d) attractive.
2. Janet Jackson hasn't been famous for seven years or so.
3. Janet Jackson hasn't been attractive since she was making out with Willis on the Drummond's couch.
4. The Bush administration lied about the WMD.
5. Not one man in the entire country was turned on.

Goddamn! I keep hearing people crying in horror, "What about the Keeeeds?!" What about them? Fuck 'em! For one thing, any kid old enough to know what a boob is, has already seen a few in magazine ads. And any kid that doesn't know what a boob is, is probably sucking on one. This is all just absurd. Well, I'm sure glad the FCC is on top of this. It makes me happy to know that $.000000001 of my tax dollars is going to promote decency and protect our precious children, instead of blowing up Iraq's precious children.

And that's another thing... what exactly becomes of these youth that are supposedly being protected by the so-called "decency standards" of the FCC? Have the last 15 years been producing a bumper crop of well-adjusted, mature, intelligent adults? Its a rhetorical question folks. Of course, the the kids being protected from boobs and the f-word are nearly retarded. And they're all having sex. And isn't it teen sex that those wackos behind the FCC and are trying stop? And Jesus, a quarter of the time it isn't even sex, its rape.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, they nearly succeeded with me. I just barely missed entering my third decade as a hapless virgin. What would I have done without art school?

I imagine this happens. I was thinking about how I copied selected text from my ex-girlfriend's blog and then posted it here and made fun of it. I know that she knows my domain name. All she'd have to do is get a little curious, and voila, there she is reading "An Ant In A Hailstorm". And see, I know that she's very devious and a total snoop. So I'd find it very shocking if she NEVER checked out my page.

So, then I started thinking that she could start to post crap on her little two-bit blog about me, and start to mock my stuff.

Mocky mocky mocky...!

I can't imagine what she'd say though. I mean, big deal. So we dated for a couple months, and I had a few panic attacks. Yeah, like... whatever! I have all sorts of slanderous things I could say in return. There are things I don't post in here because I don't want get too low (yeah, right). I mean, even I have my limits.

She may never dare to touch me. I'm like Eminem at the end of "8 Mile". I've put it all out there. There isn't anything to say that I haven't already said myself. Plus, while I'm quite the dull blade when it comes to real-time verbal sparring, I really liven up when it comes to the written word. Jab, jab, jab, watch out...

I'm sure other people get in blog wars though. Hell, if this were high school, then everyone would probably have a blog, and I'd be writing things in vain, hoping to either woo someone, or chew them out. And then maybe we'd go back and forth like on Dr. Dre and Eazy-E albums. But as far as I know, hardly any of my new or old friends have blogs. I've mentioned the two that do, and so far Deadly Dan has yet to sting me.

As I've gotten older, I've become more resistant and unhappy about what a lot of people refer to as "progress". For instance, I now put the word "progress" in quotes because I'm so skeptical about it.

I've written negative posts about the eeeevils of cell phones and several other modern appliances. Nevertheless, as my girlfriend gets more and more and pregnant, I keep thinking, "There Must Be A Better Way". It seems like pregnancy is just about the worst thing that can happen to a person. First, there is the three-month "morning sickness" phase. Then there are the abundant physical oddities that occur, such as headaches, rashes, nasal congestion, fatigue, muscle pain, etc... And lastly, there is the actual birth itself, a most horrific experience for everyone involved.

As far as I can tell, little has changed in the area of human pregnancy since time began. It is the same heinous process that our monkey ancestors went through. The only "improvements" that I can see are that pregnant women can't really eat anything, and they can't change the cat litter, and they can't lift things. What? These aren't improvements! Oh wait, they can tell if the baby has Down Syndrome. In other words, "We decided to return our baby to God".

It just shocks me that in 2004, with all of our jiggery-pokery and beep beep beep, that there isn't an easier way to go through this whole mess. For instance, why can't the entirety of human reproduction simply take place inside a test tube, or plastic bag? And then the embryo/fetus/baby could simply develop in some laboratory someplace. Right? That sounds a lot better, doesn't it? I mean, why is it that in this one area, everything has to be so "BC"? We can send robots to Mars, and talk to people on our computers, and buy toilets that sing to us, but childbirth hasn't changed AT ALL?!

Although, I gotta tell ya. Its all the same to me. I just sit there and watch it all happen. I watch the anguish, offer the assistance and food, and watch the growth, and wait.

So some things don't change. Lest anyone tell you how scary the modern world is, just remember, child birth is still hell, and will probably always be a horrible, horrible 9 month experience for Women.