Rarely have I been so outraged. Seriously. No really. I mean it this time.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. But it is true. Check it out, a Marine sacrifices finger for wedding ring.

Okay if you didn't click the link, the basic premise is as follows: the man was injured in Iraq, and in order to save his finger, the doctor was going to have to cut off his wedding ring. Instead, the marine instructed the doctor to save the ring, and simply remove the finger. As an ironic joke, the ring was later lost. But that is a distraction to the main point (a hilarious distraction).

Don't you people see why this is dangerous? This man, supposedly out of love, would rather lose his finger, than destroy the wedding ring. His wedding ring people! A "symbol" of his love for his wife. Not his ACTUAL love for his wife, but a symbol. And what about this amazing woman? She'd have to be amazing right? People say things like "I'd give my left arm to F her just once" (well, at least in my circle that has been said), and that implies that the woman is really something else. Right?

Well, she was mildly appreciative: "I can't believe he did that," she said. "At first I was mad when he told me, but then I realized how lucky I am to have him in my life."

How "lucky" she is! The man had his FINGER cut off! What does that have to do with luck? And what does it say about HIM anyway? She views his choice to cut his finger off as indication that she is lucky? So let me get this straight, when a man preserves his wedding ring, but allows his finger to be destoyed, it is indicative of the woman's "luck". Luck, as opposed to HIS love for her, or his incredible stupidity, or her incredible misfortune because she married such a fool.

So what does this imply for the rest of us finger-loving saps? Well, it means we're all fucked. The bar has been raised to unprecedently ridiculous heights. Clearly, no man can love his wife unless he is willing to do something like having his finger cut off to save his wedding ring! I can hear it now. All over the country, "If you really loved me, then you'd blah, blah, blah... I mean that marine had his FINGER cut off, and you can't even blah blah blah!" Oh, okay better take out the trash then.

Now, as for me, while I AM married, I don't have a wedding ring. So I don't have to worry about that. However, all you other men better start thinking on your feet. Perhaps, you can have your finger removed on your wedding day. That way you can show your undying love for your wife (whom you have a 50% chance of divorcing one day), before you are in an emergency situation. Or perhaps an exchange of body parts could be arranged, say a finger for a pinky toe. And just to be sweet, you and your lovely wife could wear the removed appendages on necklaces. Thrills!

There actually is a deeply disturbing sociological side to all of this which I won't explore here. Y'know, the whole bit about the symbolism of the ring, the actual behavior in the relationship, the fact that the symbol is so important, and even the roles of men and women in marriage, etc... I'll leave that for the rest of you to ponder on your free time.

Okay, since this story is simply so crazy, here is what I think REALLY happened: the man's finger was fucked up anyway, and was probably going to have to be removed. The ring was stuck to his finger. The finger was removed, and this whole story was completely fabricated that he could've saved either his finger or the ring, and he chose the ring.