So many ridiculous celebrities, so little time. This was hard to narrow down, but I chose my personally most hated female celebs. Now, on with the nominations...

1. Lindsay Lohan: Recent star of Mean Girls, and general celebrity fame whore, Lindsay is an obvious choice for "Biggest Celebrity Douche of 2004". Lets see, she dated some dude on "That 70s Show", had a big hit movie, posed nearly topless in a variety of "laddie magazines", parties like its 1999, does a skit on Saturday Night Live that is all about her gynormous boobs, and THEN, releases a derivative generi-pop album called "Speak" (like we've been waiting for that. It should've been called "Strip").

2. Courtney Love: God, what a train wreck. I hate everything about her self-destructive fame slut persona, and I wrote at length about her in An American Asshole. I don't consider there to be a loss of talent in the music world because of her failings because I believe her only talent is being famous, and being Kurt Cobain's widow. Botched court appearances, arrests, drunkeness, and all with a little kid that doesn't know shit. Let me be the first to say it: "Frances Bean Cobain will be the female Eminem in 10 years".

3. Jennifer Lopez: I actually used to like her. But she is overexposed and for no good reason. She sings, acts, dances, raps, has her clothing line, and for godsakes she refers to herself as "J Lo". I'll never get over that. Anyway, in 2004 she graced us with movies such as Jersey Girl and Shall We Dance (yuck!). And of course there was the "benlo" breakup very early in the year. And then her marriage to Mark Anthony later in the year. She's certainly a keeper, that J Lo.

4. Britney Spears: Ugh... where to start. The 48 hour marriage, then announcement that she'll be retiring. Then another marriage, this time to her dancer, and another announcement of retirement. Of course, I say just do it already. No one cares anymore. I mean no one outside of pervs that want to see her finally get totally naked. Because her fan base is nil at this point. She released a Greatest Hits album - a sure sign that the record business has given up on her - called "My Perogative" (the Bobby Brown song, of course), which has 5 actual hits culled from four albums, and then a bunch of inconsequential remixes of those same songs. Wonderful. Truly amazing. Oh, and the retired Britney Spears will be appearing at the Billboard Music Awards Ah, ever heard of when John Lennon retired, and stayed in his house for five years? Thats retirement my child. Not showing up at awards shows.

And the award goes to... da-da-da-da-da... The gifted and ample Lindsay Lohan! Yes, with pictures like the one in the link, there is no doubt, we'll be seeing alot MORE of Ms. Lohan in the future. And what a future she can expect to have.

Anyway, why HER out of all the celebrity trash? Well, what really pushed her over the top, and temporarily above the others, was her song "Rumors". Here is an excerpt:

But I can tell that you're watching me
And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see
Well, I just need a little space to breathe
Can you please respect my privacy

Why can't you just let me do
The things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand
Why would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I gotta live my life (like I wanna do)

Here we are, back up in the club
People taking pictures
Don't you think they get enough
I just wanna be all over the floor
And throw my hands up in the air to a beat like (what)


Lets get one thing straight. The fame business is bullshit. Thats just the way it is. However, she's been pursuing this since she was a kid. Further, she poses in all of those magazines flaunting her boobs, and then she asks why people are taking more pictures? "Don't you think they get enough?" No, no they don't. And they won't until they have taken enough pictures of your tits falling out that it becomes boring and they move on to the next teen tart.

Thus, since she is so fucking stupid that she doesn't see the connection between flaunting herself as a sexual object and then receiving the Hollywood treatment from those paparazzi fuckers, she is a douche! She is the biggest douche of 2004. For chrissake, she is very lucky. She's rich, famous, marginally talented, attractive, can date any guy she wants. So wa-wa-waaaaa! Poor Lindsey Lohan, winner of this years "Biggest Douche" award!