In this post I reveal myself to be so self-consciously introspective and conflicted that I actually begin to turn myself inside out. Is anybody still reading?

I imagine that by now, all of my Amurrican readers who have no choice in following pop culture to some degree know about the Monday Night Football promo BRU-HA-HA. For you lucky several that live in other more civilized countries, click on the link to see what farcical nonsense the American people are up to this week.

Quick summary: ABC showed a promo for their new HIT TV show Desperate Housewives, in which one of the characters, played by Nicolette Sheridan tempts one of the football players (a large BLACK man) to skip the game, and (presumably) have sex with her. He resists, she drops her towel, revealing nothing more than her back, and knees (tricky camera work). The football player (who is LARGE and BLACK) decides to skip the game. (Check out the ad here). Then conservative folks, and groups such as the American Family Association get pissed off, write letters, the FCC gets involved, the media makes it a big story (no more Scott Peterson, right?) and then ABC Apologized

Wonderful country, eh?

Now, here's the problem for me. I hate BOTH sides of this issue. If there is anything I despise more than pro-family (in other words Christian) advocacy groups and their causes, its advertising! And this commercial was quite simply base. I don't think there was anything remotely sexual about it. It was bullshit and titilation. It wasn't hot. It didn't make me want to pull down my shorts. It was crap. And I hate advertising that uses some pseudo-sexual scenario as a means of attracting attention. I don't care whether its beer, laundry detergent, or cars. That type of advertising is lowest common denominator swill. Not because its sexually provocative, but because its just stupid and insulting.

If they wanted to show something truly hot, and possibly outrageous, get a clip of someone boning the talent-free Lindsay Lohan. Show us some real porn and quit this silly teasing with bare shoulders, and backs of legs.

If someone asked me whether I would like to see more or less of this type of advertising, I'd say "less". That puts me firmly on the side of the moral purists and prudes. That means, on this issue, I am on the side of both people, institutions, and beliefs that I find almost ENTIRELY repugnant.

I heard one of those worthless debates on this promo issue where a conservative argues with a liberal. The liberal guy was all like "I thought it was funny". The conservative guy was all like "I don't want to stop and have to explain to my children why a blonde woman is taking off her towel". I thought they were both full of shit, but while 48% of my anger went to the conservative, 51% of my anger went to liberal. I mean, he "thought it was funny"?! What the hell? What an idiot! Who watches commercials and sits back with a chuckle? Screw him.

The conservative guy was an idiot too though. Yeah, thats a real hard "conversation" to have with your kid. Kids don't think disgusting prurient thoughts. (No, thats for white conservatives). Just tell the kid that she going to take a shower, or that she's married to the BIG BLACK MAN, or she's just changing. Jesus, you people are so stupid! Little kids are not sitting there thinking, "Wait a minute now.... are they going to have rough interracial sexual intercourse? Mom? Dad?" Kids believe in tooth fairies, Santa Clause, Jesus, the Easter Bunny, fairness, etc... Big challenge there to "talk to your kids".

Still, the "duh, it was funny" answer is even more infuriating. So... So what if they don't make commercials with sex, or sexual innuendo, or whatever. I'll be happy about it. I think that using sex to sell crap products and tv shows is an insult. Its like selling life insurance to a fat man by offering candy bars (but then taking them away, of course - right? because average people never actually have sex with tv people).

Goddamnit though, how I hate being on the same side as those AFA people!